Essay Draft 2 - Feedback & Essay Checklist


Following a tutorial with my COP supervisor looking through the first complete draft of my essay, I decided to write up a list of the amendments and changes I need to make so I have a clear list of things to do:

  • In the second paragraph I talk about the first album cover created, and end with this quote - ‘Records, which had typically been sold at the back of appliance stores, had become desirable objects that could capture the imagination (and wallets) of music lovers everywhere.’ - (Kennedy. P, 2016). Basically I just need to explain why this was the case, and why the album cover made consumers want to buy records much more than they did before.
  • At the end of the fourth paragraph, similar I make a statement saying that consumers of music prefer a recognisable logo that serves as a visual identifier for the musical act, and again I just need to explain why this is and maybe back it up with a quote.
  • Same thing again for paragraph 6, explain the quote I’ve used and why exactly big labels play it safe with record sleeves instead of risking experimenting with them. Possibly this paragraph could also more directly lead into the next paragraph which talks about the MAYA principle.
  • At the beginning of the subculture section, I need to reword the very beginning of the intro just to sound better. 
  • For the larger paragraph of the subculture section, at the ending I need to analyse the idea put forth a bit further and relate it back to music consumption.
  • In the first paragraph of the advertising section, I should find a case study to use so that I have a visual example to analyse.
  • When I introduce the ‘The Next Day’ as a case study, I could relate back to the MAYA principle, just to show that my research and ideas are relevant throughout these different sections.
  • In my final paragraph summarising my ideas about advertising, I could find a theory to do with ownership and why tangible and physical ads and music form its have more appeal because they’re physical. 
  • The end 5 or 6 lines of the subculture summary seems kind of unrelated when reading it, however its relevance is more closely tied to the beginning of the next paragraph, maybe I could change this end section or add it into the next paragraph.
  • At the penultimate paragraph, I talk about how designers should adapt album cover design to the digital era, so I should give a visual example of a way this could be done. 
  • One of my last lines talks about how in the same way our generation of designers needs to adapt to digital formats, designers back in the 70’s needed to adapt from vinyl to CD, so maybe I should go into how they did that.

Having written all the changes I need to make to my essay down, I feel more reassured now that I can manage my time more effectively. None of the changes are particularly fundamental, more so adding in an explanation, theory for visual reference. 

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